Post #9: A Sudden Realization

I used to be quite the athlete if I may say so myself. Well, I may not have been the fastest runner in the world back in the day, but I was proud of myself. When I was going through "the awkward stage" which was around 7th or 8th grade, I used to run on the school's track team. I didn’t really have a category, since our team was really small and I had to run in races that concentrated both on speed, and resistance. I was significantly better in the resistance races rather than speed, since I'm not really that fast (My coach would differ). Most of the girls are always good at sports like volleyball or soccer, but I obviously had to be the awkward one that no matter how hard she tried could never be good at either. It doesn't matter anymore, but when I was younger it was kind of a big deal since all of my friends--and I mean A-L-L of them--played volleyball. It gets frustrating after a while to have to sit on the damn bench all the time.

Sadly, today I realized something that triggered that memory I just shared with you. In gym class, as we were suffering from one of our teacher’s famous “that’s going to hurt in the morning” exercises; I realized my stamina wasn't quite what it used to be. As the class went on, our teacher put us through a series of speed tests. After almost breaking my foot while running, (Because it’s no surprise that awkward me would trip while running and have to do the test again) I felt exhausted. I have always known I'm lazy, but I guess I had never really realized how lazy I was until today. Well, the truth is that if it weren’t for gym class I wouldn't exercise a day in my life. So today I decided that I’m going to wake up at five in the morning every day and run for an hour! Hah, I almost believed that myself. My “sleeping schedule” would never make this possible. I’m just going to start switching hands every time I want to change the channel so my arms are equally toned. Actually…That isn’t going to work either because I rarely watch TV…or change the channel. Oh well, I’ll just embrace being slow until I really need to start exercising when I’m older. 

Thank god for my high metabolism!

Post #8: The Only Exeption

Most girls have the same dream...To find that one prince charming we all read about in the fairytale's when we were little. To all those girls, wake the hell up; he doesn't exist.  Seriously, some girls need to get it together. If they keep waiting for "their prince" they're going to die alone (Or with 72 cats).Why do we expect men to be perfect, when we are just as imperfect--and sometimes even worse? Even though we will not find the perfect man, we can certainly find our perfect match. 

I've always known us women can’t ask much of men (This may sound feminist, but they can't deny it). But I never thought I would come across such abhorrences, such men that are better defined as low-lives--as my grandfather used to say--or bluntly, A-holes (I hope I don't get points off for writing that). Anyway, growing up it shocked me that there would be so many around me. Naturally, I eventually developed feelings for some of them. I wouldn’t exactly call it love, but it was something of that nature. Most of them, in their quest to take advantage of me, (Which I would like to clarify was not successful) they slowly broke my spirits--and my heart--with their actions. Most boys at this age have little to no values at all. They don’t seem to care if they hurt the girl they lied to, took advantage of, humiliated, and then threw out like a piece of garbage. Of course, I’m glad to say there are exceptions. Though you might think I’m too young to know what love is, I believe I may have gotten a glimpse of it at this young age. It was a shock, really. I have beaten all the odds you could ever imagine. What would a 22 year old boy—or man, in this case—possibly want with me? A question not only I made myself, but my parents as well. Surprisingly it’s not what you’re thinking. Through the course of a year he proved his intentions were pure, and I’m glad they were. My parents learned to accept him, and as of right now we’re both very happy. We’re more like best friends, really. Some might think otherwise when they know his age, but I don’t care. Age is a superficial matter when you come to think of it. The most important thing—along with maturity and respect—is the existence of true and pure love between the two. Despite my age, I believe I am amongst the lucky few who have truly obtained it.

Post #7: I Need Wheels!

My life would be SO much easier if I had a car! My parents seem to hate taking me to places, because it's such of a hassle for them. I used to hang out with my friends more often, and go out every Friday when I was younger--but not anymore. They always want to pick me up really early, because my mom always stays awake waiting for me to come back (Because she has to pick me up, obviously.)

I'm even willing to help around the house! I could go buy the groceries, and even run some errands for my mom and dad. My mom is terrified at the thought of me having a car but, I'm not a bad driver! I drive to school every day, and I haven't run over anyone yet. All that's left for me to learn is how to parallel park, and park in reverse. I'll be able to get my license in less than a month, and when I learn how to park, I'm going to get my license even if I have to push them there. My dad said I could have mom's car, but later on. They even said I would get it when I go into college! That's ridiculous. If they do that they're going to find a random car in their parking space--And it's going to be mine. I did that with an ear piercing and they seemed to accept it. My dad even liked it. I really hope I get that car when I get my license. 

I want to feel more independent!

Post #6: Sleeping dissorder? eating dissorder? It cant be...

8 hours of sleep isn't even close to what I need to be able to wake up refreshed the next day. Not getting enough sleep affects our body, and I have been noticing it in many ways. During the week I get up at 6 am to go to school, and come back home at 2--sometimes 3--to do my homework. Sometimes I have so much homework or tests the next day that I don't have enough time to do anything else! I'm usually so tired that I take a nap and wake up around 7. I usually go to sleep at ten, and it shure isn't enough for me. It affects my performance in school, my mood, and my digestive system.

When I don't get enough sleep I often feel depressed and lazy, and that's not healthy at all. Most of all, I don't eat as well when I don't sleep as much. I'm very close to being underweight--if I'm not already. I have tried to gain weight, and it seems so impossible to me! Some people have told me that I'm fine, that I shouldn't try to change myself, and that the weight will come with the years, but I just don't feel healthy. Sometimes I don't eat well for days, and sometimes I eat everything in sight. Most of the time I just eat to calm my hunger, but I don't enjoy it. For most people their constant battle is to lose weight, but gaining it is just as hard...(My metabolism is unusually high for my age.) I constantly lose, gain, and lose weight again. I went to a psycologist once that said it could be due to depression...but I don't think so. Or maybe I'm just in denial...

Post #5: Loyal Companion

Linda wanted to say hello!

My dog is my life, and I don't know what I would do without her. I have a sister, but we are not very close because she's from my dad's previous marriage, and she lives in New York. So basically, I have been alone all my life--until I got my beautiful dog, Linda. Nothing can compare to my love for her...she's like my sister. I remember when I got her, I was in first grade, and I couldn't have been happier. My parents brought her to school on my birthday...I almost fainted. She was just what I wanted! I truly believe we share something special...a bond that not many people share with their own pets.


Lately she's been acting strange. She started "wetting the bed" and I'm a little worried. Linda looks cute in her new pampers though. She has also been spraining her left paw unusually frequently. She used to be a very playful dog, and lately she's just been down. The good thing is that at least we know its not worms, because we give her a pill for that every month. My mom took her to the vet, and they're going to do a few tests on her to see if everything is in working order. Linda is nine years old in human years now. (I never did understand the whole dog/human years thing.) It breaks my heart to see that my dog is getting old, and I don't want to see her go. I just can't except the fact that one day she won't be there anymore. I hope she lasts me many years, because I know that when I lose her, It's going hurt as if it has been my own mother that has passed away.

She likes to harass me from time to time.

Photogenic, isn't she?

Post #4: The Martian

People around you should just have nothing to say. Dealing with judgements and comments every day is not an easy thing to do. No matter how many times I ignore them, and repeat "Its just envy, be the bigger person" in my head--which is the classic line for situations like these--when you get to the millionth time you just don't believe it anymore. People really just can't keep it to themselves. It has happened to all of us at one point, but after three years of constant abuse, I just can't take it. 

I consider myself to be quite different from my other classmates, and even my friends. Most of my interests are ones that most girls wouldn't find amusing, such as riding my longboard, playing video games, hacking phones, and most of all, my music interests. Most people I know have told me that they would never have thought I listened to rap and techno rather than any other thing. I am extremely open-minded and non-judgemental, and I can't stand people who are. I'm different, and that's what I like the most about myself. I have made my mistakes throughout the years, but who hasn't? Forgiveness does not exist between my classmates. Only anger and revenge. I shouldn't have to put up with the constant psychological aggression I have been receiving from some of my classmates for the last three years. Hell, they don't care if it affects me or not. I've confronted some of my classmates, and none of them have had the decency of asking for forgiveness. I don't like to call it bullying, because I feel it makes me sound like a victim--even though in this case I am-- I don't like it. I've asked to change schools, but my parents said I should stay and be tortured until I kill someone. Well, that might not have been their exact words, but that's how it felt. They said I should stay and show them it doesn't affect me, and not run away from my problems. Even though I don't agree, I had no other choice. I'm still dealing with this problem, and I believe It has made me who I am. This is reality, and I can't change it...I just hope I never reach my breaking point.

Post #3: Baby steps...Into the future

My Third post! Now my page looks like it's getting somewhere. Ok not really, but soon it will. 

So here's the thing...I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life. I'm REALLY tired of this subject but I noticed something today that might be the solution to my indecisiveness. All my life I have been followed by a horrible thing--an unspeakable dreadfulness--which I have never been able to understand. What is it, you ask? Well they call it Mathematics, and to me it's as complicated as it sounds. I fall into a pit of horrible, blistering darkness every time I have to answer a math question. I can't stand it. I've tried to understand it, and I've had multiple tutors which I used to change from time to time because they all grew tired and became frustrated at my slow understanding of the horrible subject. Luckily, I found one that works for me now and has moderate patience. Let's hope it lasts.

My mom has always wanted me to become a doctor. My cousins are doctors...my doctors are doctors...I don't need to be surrounded my more doctors, and much less become one. She just doesn't seem to understand that even if I wanted to, I see it quite impossible. I did consider medicine, and I came to the conclusion that if I was going to go down that road, I was going to be a Pathologist. That dream vanished when I learned that I had to study 13+ years, and obviously it takes A LOT of math. So then I thought "Hey, well I love working with computers and other technological stuff, why not become a computer engineer?" My last math test answered that question for me. All this went on for a while. I considered being an Architect, a Veterinarian, going into the NASA, and even the Air Force. All of these were somehow discarded for different reasons. My dad has always said I should consider something more on the creative side, like becoming a Journalist. I always told him that I found it boring...Until now. I've only written 3 posts, and I already can't wait for the days to pass, so I can write the next one. I enjoy writing about things that interest me, and being able to express myself freely. Maybe Journalism is the career for me, maybe it's not...but for now its a start. I'm still working on defining myself, and I'm glad I have this project to experiment on and practice. I feel I'm getting a little closer to my goal, and it's all thanks to this blog.